it didnt feel good to be rejected.
even though i was trying to make it sound like everything was fine,
but it definitly wasn't.



sighz. those who know me well enough would know tt i'm one who dont like to hide my feelings,
once i'm not feeling good, i dont usually pertend to be alright,
cos tt's like deceiving yourself, something i would never do.



but still, for the sake being able to 下台 gracefully,
i had to fake it.
so yupp, trying to be honest be with myself now,
in this special space for me to vent all my frustrations on.





today's episode really left we wondering
.why i did i ever spend so much time and effort on something that i expected would turned out negative,
perhaps even more negative than i told it would.



okok. i knew it could turn out good/bad, 50/50.
but being me, i sort of banged on thinking tt it would turn out good.
so there i was, spending hours of my sleeping time working on it,
nativly hoping that it would turn out just the way i wanted it to.





the whole incident shldn't be looked at only from the negative perspective.
on the other hand, the rejection sort of jort me back to my senses,
it made me take a step back to look at the choices i've made,
and only then i realise how much time it has costed me.



perhaps it's time i grew up.
burst the bubble of my own wistful thinking
and learn to face the cruel reality & end this fantasy of mine.

nothing's perfect in this world an opinions differ,
why do i have to make myself so miserable jus becos of a difference in opinions?

jus becos they belong to the majority doesnt meant that they are right.
nothing is purely right or wrong,
it only depends on ur own subjective view.

it's not my masterpiece that it's not good but only that they do not know how to appreciate it.
what's beautify in one's eye may not be the same in another.

these are jus some of the harsh facts of life i've to encounter on my long journey,
and i'm very sure there would be many more to come.

no use making myself so depressed jus becos of a small setback - as their probably dozens others coming along the way.

i'll jus hav to learn to accept it,
and deal with it.
it takes a great deal of courage to reflect & learn from one's mistakes,
and make use you don't make them again.

what don't kill me will only make me stronger.
learning to pick myself up from setbacks is the key to success.


determination to go against the flow is courage to be admired.
this is something i've began to experience more and more ever since the start of senior high life.
i dont know if it's healthy,
but the way i view it,
even though the road ahead might be bumpy and certainly lonely,
it's may not be tt bad aft all.

sometimes, one could achieve more and outdo your current standard only by breaking away form the norm/what you usually do.
break free if you must - from all the factors tt prevent you from unleashing your fullest potential.
you dont always have to wait, if what it does is only slow down your progress.
only the brave would dare to break from his/her usual crowd and venture into the world of the unknown all by his/herself.
but only by doing so, tt one could achieve more.


this emo reflection totally reminded me of my favourite song - 倔强
which served as a great encouragement and an apt way of expressing what i felt.
Mayday always writes the 贴切 songs (:


No No.
i was determined not to let this small episode spoil my mood for the day.
i'm still very proud of my masterpiece even though not a lot of ppl appreciate it.
art itself is a highly subject matter, i would say.
and i dont blame them cos it's only fair for them to voice out wad they felt about it.
putting myself in their shoes, i might have done the same too.

i'm not going to let myself be disheartened over such a petty matter,
instead, i'll take it in my stride and constantly remind myself of the mistake it made.
it'll make more aware of myself as well as my behavior too.




i'm so super glad tt i didnt end my day in such a depressing mode.
there was extra guitar prac aft sch!
we went thru the techrun.
although it wasn't going very smoothly cos of our disogranisation,
we still had lots of laughs and it really cheered me up.
so THANKS LOTS! and JIAYOU for the concert! PPL WE CAN DO IT DE!


at least guitar doesnt make me feel tt i've wasted precious time. humph.