i was jus abt to ask jinghuan, bed & the rest of the guitar ppl out to rollar blade
when i realise i'm only left with 2 free days in the rest of the june hols remaining. T.T

yes this is a sudden realisation becos i intended to save my june hols for catching up on my sleep & schoolwork,
i really tried to keep to it lor,
my whole holiday is limited to schoolwork, PW, CCAs and all.
but it's jus that things justed piling up on their own,
and ARRGH i failed.
still sleep late and end up not doing homework. :(

i really tried to say "no" to alot of stuff lor,
but it somehow gotten out of my control.
haiz. it's my character perhaps?
the super-duper procrastinator?
the miss-goody-"yes i will do this, yes i will do that"?
the one who likes to be kept busy all the time?
the overestimate-timetable-and-one's-capability?
the last-minute chiong-ster?
i've been trying to get rid of the bad habits of mine,
but, sighz, as we know it,
old habits die hard.


it has always been my belief not to stress myself too much,
and i shld always stop to take a breather before i work myself out and collapse.
but i always seem to rest too long
and i always dont manage to get myself back in line when the moment comes..



the problem is,
for most of the time, i'm keeping myself busy,
but for all the wrong resasons.
i'm busy not becos of schwork, but for other small and minute things that are jus deemed negligible by others.
but tt's not the wrost part.

sometimes, when i finally found time to stop and think,
i really dont think that the things i'm doing now leads to what i want in the future.
now i'm like, abandoning all my fortes and venturing into the unknown,
which is the complete opposite of what others in my position would do.

at tt time, it seemed like the best way cos i'm like chasing my passion.
but looking back, perhaps it was just plain stupidity.
cos i'm not even sure whether this path leads me to where i wanna be.

it's like,
yes i got the dream, the ambition.
yes i know the path to take.
yes i am aware of what i need to do to attain it.
however, it's just tt,
though i know what i need to do,
i do not hav the determination to do it.

so it jus turns out as all talk and no action, so it's jus a daydream?!
ARRGH i dont know what i'm doing lah,
do i jus expect to get there without putting in effort?
i know it's impossible but i cant bring myself to do it?
ARRGGGGHHH i'm such a slacker.
I HATE MYSELF.


well, i was just told by someone to take a leaf off Lyon's book of optimism.
haha yupyup tt's exactly wad i shld do.
i really need many doses of the optimism potion in my hectic life,
where i'm like, struggling to keep afloat.